What My Kids Do All Day: The Joys and Struggles of Low-Tech Parenting

When Abby complained, “I’m bored.” Her mother wisely responded, “That’s okay. You don’t have to be entertained all the time.”

Few moms give grace to themselves or accountability to their children by letting them endure some boredom. When our kids sigh, “I’m bored,” we are quick to save them by organizing an activity or turning on a screen. But it is actually better to let them be bored. If they have paper and pencil, a shelf of beautifully illustrated books, a $5 harmonica, a bin of play clothes, a stash of animal figurines, blocks, mud or a corner of the great outdoors, they won’t stay bored for long. And they will be better for it- better today and better ten years from now.

Boredom is not the enemy. Boredom is a catalyst for creativity and a launching point for many worthwhile endeavors. Most mommas would say, Yes, I want my children to grow into imaginative, relational, problem-solving, original, self-led, empathetic people who keep their sense of wonder, know themselves and appreciate solitude. I want that too! Such skills grow over time through healthy habits- habits achieved through worthy childhood activities like reading, drawing, digging, talking and playing for hours on end. The majority of shows and games produced for children today do not spur mental, physical or relational development. Quite the opposite is true. A movie here and there can be good, but when a child is engaged by screens for hours every day, there’s a definite trade-off happening.

I have a friend who works for Pixar. He shared that very few of his artistic story-telling colleagues grew up watching television. Nope, they were drawing and whittling and writing and reading and exploring outside. He pointed out that all children are born creative, they just need opportunities to express and cultivate that natural bent. If they don’t use it, they’ll lose it. He said, “Creative adults didn’t become creative, they stayed creative.”

How do we keep them creative? We can free up the schedules and limit the screen time. A glut of adult-led activities snatches up children’s quiet hours to ponder, to discover the world around them and to simply get acquainted with themselves. Hours of screen time feeds addiction to unnatural dopamine release rates and produces lazy-brain tendencies that will haunt them for years. Yes, a good movie can stir the imagination, but too much movie watching is more likely to cripple it.

Don’t get me wrong- I like movies. I treasure memories of watching them with my siblings and I have a hardy list of great films, musicals and educational videos that I want my kids to see. Childhood seems incomplete without The Wizard of Oz, The Secret of Nimh and Little Women. But a normal hour of a normal day is better spent playing. I have observed in my own kids that in periods of watching more TV (ie. post-partum), they wake up thinking about what to watch; but in periods of watching less, they wake up thinking about what to make.

Four years ago, I made an action plan for fostering creativity and preserving curiosity in my children (now ages 8, 6, 4 and 2). My plan included a lot of reading aloud and outings and conversations, but mostly it hinged on hours of play at home. I created an atmosphere of learning then purposely let my kids be bored. We school through the morning then, after 2:30, I don’t organize any activities or push any on buttons (except the audiobook player). We do not play tablet games. We do not keep a TV in the house either. Rather, when we want to have a movie night, we carry my husband’s over-sized computer monitor into the living room. Also the kids enjoy watching movies with their grandparents. Here, I ensure that they can play uninterrupted for over two hours a day.

How do they feel about it? They love it. They are thriving. What do they do? I’ll give a snapshot of our day.

A SNAPSHOT OF OUR DAY

The day starts quiet. They trickle down the stairs one by one and climb into our laps for cuddles, then they scatter in and out of the house until breakfast. One spreads birdseed on the porch rail, one flips through picture books on the couch, one colors at the table, another stretches out beside the cat in the yard. At breakfast time, it’s all hands on deck. The six year old is scrambling eggs, the four year old is popping toast, the oldest is pouring juice, the toddler is fetching forks. Daddy leads a Bible study discussion while we eat then we sing a hymn together and Dad heads off to work. The kids and I team-clean the kitchen, feed the chickens and put in a load of laundry.

Then starts our school day. Poetry, fables, literature, history, nature study, drawing and excellent picture books. One plays with the toddler while another learns math, reading and handwriting. Switch. Over lunch we study some exciting new topic like constellations, national parks, the skeletal system, ornithology or Native American culture. I learn alongside them. It’s hard work but it’s fun! From 2:30 to 5:00 (except on ballet day), it’s free time.

During free time, I make myself accessible but not central to their activity. Upon request, I may set the kettle to boil or hold the center post of a stick hut or chat. But I’m not the idea-generator. Here are some things I have seen them do:

Dress up and pretend (recently they’ve been Indians, astronauts, knights, farmers, orphans, explorers, cats, sailors, inn-keepers, gymnasts and wild horses)
Draw or color (they copy pictures from animal field guides, follow drawing instruction books, draw from their imaginations or take a sketchpad outside and draw what they see)
Catch, feed and release critters (toads, mantids, crickets, salamanders, crayfish, minnows, caterpillars, etc.)
Build a rockery to release caught critters into
Dig
Poke around the yard (they lay in the grass or lift rocks looking for bugs, pick flower bouquets for the playhouse, climb, trail blaze through bushes, mimic birds, throw grass in spider webs to watch the reaction)
Make mud pie and nut ‘n grass soup
Forage
Play with water (they fill bins and buckets at the hose then pretend to wash clothes, float homemade boats or just climb in)
Sit in a tree or swing thinking
Sit stroking the cat thinking
Ride their bike down the grass hill over and over
Make up a tune on the piano and practice it
Drum on pots or blow a harmonica
Flip through picture books or listen to audiobook CDs
Make cookies or muffins
Play puzzles and board games
Sew a cat toy or bead necklaces or craft with yarn or card wool
Mold with clay or play dough
Cut up magazines for collages
Reorganize their collections
Make bows and arrows out of sticks and chicken feathers
Widen our creek with a shovel
Write short stories
Pretend play with action figures and animal figurines
Build with blocks, Legos or Connects
Make tea and chat with me
Ask me to read a loved chapter book aloud
Make up a play or dance to perform

When my children play, I watch them brainstorm, create, solve problems, work together, wonder at the world and discover their own strengths and interests. In conversations with my children, they relate what they learned and experienced during play. When I read aloud to them, I see empathy grow, their vocabularies swell and their imaginations take flight.

Over time, they become themselves because of play.

I said tech-light parenting is good, but I didn’t say it is easy. Indeed, that is the reason we do not have a TV in our house- I could not withstand the nagging requests to “watch something.” In 2016, I researched the psychology behind technology’s draw and I was convicted to limit their viewing time, since children couldn’t be expected to regulate it themselves. In 2017, I tried being more dedicated to my convictions. In 2018, I hung a curtain in front of of the beckoning screen. In Spring 2019, after a move, we opted to leave the TV in the box. We hoped that getting it “out of sight and out of mind” would end the continual requests to turn it on. It worked. The nagging stopped immediately and the complaining about the TV’s absence eventually subsided too. Sometimes when parenting gets really hairy, I wish I could flip on a show. But, nine times out of ten, the troublesome moment passes quickly and the kids find something to do. Then I am glad I didn’t have the option. Honestly, this lifestyle requires a lot of me and I get tired, but seeing my children thrive makes it well worth the effort.

If you are in a tech rut, you may be wondering, “What should I expect during TV withdrawal? How do I know it is working?” Moving the TV to the garage may feel like a stretch, but limiting screen time to a two-hour window twice a week is a good change. Expect the kids to whine and nag. In fact, the amount of whining is a helpful gauge for just how entrenched their tech-habits have become. They wont thank you for the big effort you are making on their behalf. And you may be tempted enough to give in a few times. But take heart. Yes, they’ll be louder and ask for more snacks and get in more fights than they usually do. But things will calm down once their minds aren’t buzzing and whirling from tech-saturation.

Demonstrate some activities for them. Instead of scrolling, do something you enjoy- draw a picture, read a novel on the porch, make tea and toast, go on a walk, look at clouds and watch birds. Then strew library books around the house, stock up on paper and colored pencils, send them outside with popsicles and give them permission to get dirty. They’ll say they are bored, but that is their launchpad! Gradually, they’ll get comfortable in their own skin and start making and pretending and exploring. After school, read a book aloud, chat over a snack then send them out to play. You’ll both be glad you did.

-Heather