Six Months Embracing Solitude

Since 2016, I have focused on developing a different habit in my children every six months. Over time, they have added up! We have steadily built the habits of reading aloud, getting outside, drawing, cleaning, cooking, worshipping, stretching, pretending and sitting in solitude. All of these habits will follow them into adulthood, but the one I suspect will benefit them the most is the habit of solitude.

In an age of tech distraction and screen addiction, I want to bless my kids with the ability to relish stillness and rest in quiet. I want them to daydream without the crutch of entertainment, get lost in a book without an itch for stimulation, focus on prayer without checking phone notifications and bear a dull moment without defaulting to a game.

I knew that our house rules were the first line of defense in the battle for their attention spans. So, we adopted a low-tech family policy and built solitude into our schedule.

For six month is in 2017, I instituted a daily quiet time. Every afternoon at 2:30, we spread out to “read, think, pray or sleep.” One child sat in the armchair, one sprawled on the rug, another favored a spot under the table and I took sofa. Everyone had their own book basket to stock with favorite stories, illustrated classics, picture Bibles, nature guides, I Spy books and their own library finds to flip through. Quiet time was tech-free, even for me.

At first, I had to cultivate a tolerance for silence. I set an eight-minute timer and bribed them with jelly beans- they earned two for being completely still and quiet; one for being mostly still and quiet; and none if they were plain loud. It worked. Over time, we worked our way up to twenty-two minutes of Quiet Time and our inspiration changed from jelly bean tallies to a genuine desire to wind down quietly alone.

Now, the kids appreciate silence. They take voluntary quiet times over the course of the day- one rests in a porch chair, one draws at the kitchen table, one looks at books in a blanket tent, another daydreams in a tree. And they don’t get bored easily or whine for a screen during downtime. The habit of solitude has become part of our family culture.

Some mornings, I put warm mugs in their hands and send them to different corners of the house and porch for personal (picture book) Bible studies. Some afternoons, I send them out on 20-minute prayer walks. Some evenings, I invite them to gather round the fireplace with books and handicrafts to enjoy the stillness together. We savor these moments.

I believe that every heart longs for a deep, true calm. When overstimulated by technology use, that calm can elude us. But with intentional habits, we can find it for ourselves and for our children.

.This article was printed in the Winnsboro News in September 2021 as part of the series: Six Months Cultivating Joys, Skills and Habits in Your Children