How I Study My Children and Nurture Their Natures

God designed the gambit of skills, interests, personalities, bodies, characteristics, learning styles and spiritual gifts then artfully whisked them together to form individuals. He uniquely created your children and hand-picked you to be their momma. Therefore, you can parent confidently, trusting His decision and believing He will equip you to shepherd each one well.

You know your child’s needs, strengths, struggles, love languages and how he or she connects with you. Plus, when you ask, God will reveal more! After I set general parenting goals, I dream with pen and journal about each child’s development and set personalized parenting goals that vary widely from child to child. I find that writing out my observations and asking God to guide me gets good ideas flowing.

I see that God wants to guide me and help me. As I write, He leads me to pray so that He can answer me. When I feel weak and confused in motherhood, I call out and God provides strength and understanding. When I see beautiful things in my child, I ask and He gives wisdom in how to nurture it; when I notice patterns in my child’s behavior, I ask and He gives insight in how to intercept it; when I discover potential strengths, I ask and He gives discernment in how to cultivate it. When I don’t love some trying quality in my child, I ask and He gives gratitude then shows me that those qualities are building blocks which He has assigned me to foster into assets. As I prayerfully journal, the diligent Creator of both of us shows me things I would not have seen on my own.

Here are two examples from years of compiled journal entries:

I see that my son is a nature-loving, creative introvert. I learned that he needs time alone outside every day, so I provide and protect that time. I see his skill in drawing, so I give space and supplies for him to practice. Also, I know better than he does how much he needs to talk to me, so I draw or take nature walks with him sometimes and listen as he shares his thoughts, thus engaging him in a long-term habit of sharing his inner life with someone. His love language seems to be words of encouragement, so I look for opportunities to compliment and embolden him. He is phlegmatic and melancholy, so I informed myself about these types’ riches and hitches then embraced it all. He is sensitive and compassionate by nature, so I give him opportunities to pray for and encourage others. I also know his tendency toward negative thinking, so I help guard his mind by guarding my own tongue from grumbles and complaints. He is patient and compliant, so I aim to foster confidence and independence by entrusting him with big responsibilities and choosing audiobook stories about valiant young men. To tuck God’s word in all our children’s hearts, our family reads the Bible, memorizes scripture, sings and prays together daily.

My daughter, on the other hand, is a brave, social, athletic story-teller. I enroll her in ballet classes because she thrives when doing physical activity; and I don’t expect her to sit and draw for long periods like her brother. She loves baking, so I make time to try recipes with her, even when I don’t feel like it. I make time to chat with her every afternoon, often while cooking, because she behaves better when she meets her daily word quota and because I want to build a lifelong bond of trust with her. I know better than she does how much she needs time to herself, so I smilingly send her to her room with her dolls or music to grow her aptitude for solitude. Her love language seems to be touch, so we cuddle or braid hair or paint nails while we read. She is choleric and sanguine, so I informed myself about these types’ niches and glitches then embraced it all. She is a head-strong leader and I am praying with thanksgiving for this quality at the same time as I ask God for help shepherding her into it. We read novels together partly because she is so story-oriented and partly because I know tales about noble characters will help build her moral imagination and influence her (strong) character. She is not particularly compassionate by nature, so I also select stories that grow empathy in her little heart. As she and her siblings grow, I try to train their thought-habits by seasoning our conversations with scripture and demonstrating prayer in any situation throughout the day.

Mothering so intentionally and personally is rewarding for both of us. I am not sly in my approach. I am open with the children about which traits we are building up or remedying. As I often tell them, I am on their team. I do not dream up my own plans for their futures then surreptitiously urge them forward. Rather, I
1) read about the virtues of old like: prudence, temperance, justice, fortitude, faith, hope and charity
2) study God’s instructions to all Christians in passages like: Philippians 4:8, James 3:17, , 2 Peter 1:5-7, Galatians 5:22-23, Ephesians 4:1-3, 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, Romans 12:9-21, 1 Thessalonians 5:12-24, and Matthew 6-7
3) humbly and carefully gather evidence of each child’s natural bent.
Then I prayerfully shepherd their hearts and thoughtfully cultivate those qualities, trusting in God to bring the growth.

I have made the mistake before of trying to orchestrate this parenting gig on my own strength. Even after I experienced God’s guidance in understanding my children, I took off running with the work in my own hands. Thankfully, God reminded me that I am not in control. Nor am I their Holy Spirit. I cannot carry the burden of their future happiness or success or salvation on my own shoulders (Matthew 11:28-30). He is the strong one and, while He chooses to use me as an imperfect vessel to train up these young men and women, the work and the outcome are both in His faithful able hands. So, I can enjoy the gift of motherhood without tripping into stress and striving or passivity and indifference. I can delight in my children while I rest in the Lord.

God lovingly intricately beautifully designed your child’s nature and He will faithfully individually beautifully guide you to nurture him or her well. Trust the motherly knowhow He planted in you and ask Him to reveal still more. Jot down ways to shepherd and connect with your child in the coming year, then put the big work in His strong hands and receive His help to do the many little things that add up to hours well-spent.

Nurturing their Natures: Know Your Child’s Intelligence (and Yours)