“Cease endlessly striving for what you want to do
and learn to love what must be done.” -Goeth
I did not become a nurturer on my first child’s birth day. In fact, it took three children for me to finally feel confident and interested in the job of thoroughly nurturing my family.
See, I used to measure my worth by my accomplishments and whether or not someone somewhere was awaiting my arrival. I wanted to stay busy and noticed. Having a baby jolted my lifestyle, but I juggled mommy tasks and my own endeavors well enough.
Even with two little kids, I kept step with my expectations of myself. Most days motherhood meant distractedly providing needs, not necessarily delighting in them. Their needs were so small and many and cyclical. Without a sense of progress, I felt I was wasting my time and, honestly, I resented them for keeping me from “more important” tasks and relationships. I felt invisible, trapped in those four walls by two small, ungrateful, nonverbal, high maintenance people.
I woke up early to enjoy my own little pursuits while they slept. Unable to pull myself away, I often finished up while they ate and played or watched cartoons. I read self-pitying mommy blogs bemoaning the precious “me time” children had stolen. Rather than dismissing the posts as hogwash, I became determined to overcome my “plight” without complaining. My tactics were sustainable. I could have managed it through two childhoods. And my self-centered attitude would have carried us through a hurried harried life.
Then I had my third baby.
The routine I had petted became impossible. The demands were too many and too staggered. I couldn’t wake up early enough. I couldn’t accomplish the things I wanted to do. My self-worth plummeted and my frustration mounted to the point of desperation.
Then, in that vulnerable place, God corrected my wrong perspective. He used scripture to reveal my purpose in this sweet season of life. Then he plopped me down in the presence of older godly women who were content to do the small, daily, hidden tasks that added up to years of selfless service for just a few people. They did not bewail their burden. They sought no pity or recognition. I saw that they loved their families on a level that I… didn’t and for that I respected them deeply.
I asked God to transform me and He responded. As I prayed, read my Bible and sought the mentorship of those mothers, I began my journey from idolizing my own endeavors to nurturing my family. God gradually opened my eyes to truths I didn’t know existed, moved my heart in ways I did not know were possible and remolded me, beyond my own effort, into a person I didn’t know I could be.
This article appeared in the Winnsboro News in August 2021. (Read the longer original version here.)
