I often use my journal to pry into my own subconscious thoughts. When I am tense and don’t know why, I ask myself questions and follow the thought-train it releases:
- “Why do I feel stressed right now?”
- “Why am I so hotly pursuing this endeavor?”
- “Why do I feel disappointed, irritated, afraid or anxious?”
- “Why is this thought so constantly in my mind?”
- “What is driving me to this behavior pattern?”
- “Why do I always want chocolate at 4:00pm?”
- “Why do I pick up my phone 100 times a day?”
- “Why am I crying?”
Many of these issues are buried under layers of consciousness. People are like onions- we are complex. But God sees our hearts, even the parts of our hearts that we’ve hidden from ourselves.
As you write, you may discover things about yourself that you didn’t know you didn’t know. I see two reasons for this: One is that stream of consciousness writing brings things out that you had been overlooking- like when you think aloud in a counseling session then realize, Whoa! I didn’t even know I thought that or felt that! The other reason is that the Holy Spirit reveals it.
You can partner with the Holy Spirit to examine yourself. He’s ready to reveal underlying assumptions, expectations and entitlements that bled their way in unnoticed. Ask Him to guide you. Then, as you write, expect Him to highjack your entry and unveil something amazing. He’ll say,
- That idea, this where it came from and it is not true. Let’s uproot it.
- This thing, it has become an idol in your heart. Let’s put it back in its place.
- This worry you’re carrying, it’s a burden that I did not give you. May I hold it for you?
- This thought you are believing is straight up a lie. Can I burn it?
- See that, that’s just jealousy. Trust me you don’t want it.
- And this is bitterness and that is perfectionism and here is rebellion. And it’s not going to pan out for you.
- See this buried longing? It is good. Let’s breathe life into it.
He may support His point with scriptures you’ve read, sermons and song lyrics you’ve heard, encouragements friends have given or fresh metaphors from your imagination. Explore them in your journal. Then, as agitating as it may be, do what He says. When we surrender our emotions to God, we can trust Him to guide us and heal us. Surrender feels scary, but we can’t expect to get far without it. Afterall, spiritual growth is really just a series of surrenders.
As you hand things over to God, He brings the healing and freedom and peace and fullness of joy that He promises in His Word.
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