How I Focus on Instilling a Different Skill or Habit Every Six Months

Children are a wonder. Their hearts are already inclined to drink deeply of knowledge and beauty and their hands are ready to take on new challenges. So developing their curiosity and creativity is less like building from the ground up and more like nourishing what is already inside them.

In 2016, I made a dreamy parenting list of enriching skills to develop, lifelong habits to practice and beauty to encounter. I included work ethic and nature study and hymn singing and generosity and piano and baking and watercolor painting. Then I set about instilling all of them at once. I quickly found that, though the possibilities are boundless, a momma’s capacity is limited. Unsurprisingly, my burst of optimistic inspiration was closely followed by a flopping and floundering. In fact, I cried. I could not do it all at once!

In a mess of guilt and frustration, I brainstormed ways to take on these good goals effectively. I thought on the new habits I had successfully implemented in my own life- how had I done it? I had practiced them every day for an extended period until they became second nature. I recalled too that anytime I tried to achieve too many goals at once, I failed in all of them. Why did I expect a different outcome in my parenting?

I decided to focus my efforts on developing one broad theme every six months. Perhaps amid the daily juggle of math and literacy and chores and cuddles, I could tackle just one of these noble goals at a time. So I put my list in priority order then charted a course to establish each as part of our family culture.

I launched our first developmental focus unit when my oldest was in preschool. And it was a success! In fact, the impact of that theme, and those that followed it, continues to influence our daily lives.

Here are the bi-annual themes we have tackled this far:

July to December 2016- Instilling a Love of Story. I wanted my children to love stories and to have robust attention spans. So every morning after breakfast, for six months, we read two to three picture books. I kept a book bin by the couch and filled it each Sunday with a batch of books for the kids to choose from. I included some favorites to reread, some library books about our latest interest, science books (especially about animals and habitats), little biographies, beautifully illustrated fairy tales, and recommendations from excellent book lists like The Read Aloud Revival and Honey for a Child’s Heart. That fall, I regularly hit my library check-out maximum. By Christmas it was not rare to read five books in one sitting. And the impact was lasting. We still read aloud every day and they do have pretty long attention spans. Most of all, they love stories- they even make up their own stories to share. Here’s an Amazon list of read-aloud favorites.

January to July 2017-Cultivating a Love of Nature. I wanted my children to enjoy nature and learn from nature and connect with nature and admire God through nature. During these six months, if nothing else happened in our preschool day, we at least went outside. I read Charlotte Mason’s The Outdoor Life of Children while they played in our little yard and I implemented her ideas a little at a time. We went to a park every week and launched an Adventure Club with a group of nature-loving friends. My kids looked forward to Adventure Club meetups like a holiday. When we were outside, I was no lecturer. Actually, I tried to stay out of the way and let nature work its own magic. They watched bugs, traced veins on leaves, dug holes, experimented with water, collected rocks, caught toads, climbed and came to me with all kinds of questions. We sought answers for those questions on library shelves, thus continuing our new picture book habit and launching the Nature Study Time that we still practice today. Now, my children love nature. We still go outside every day to play and explore and admire and rest. Louv’s book, The Last Child in the Woods, is an inspirational read.

July to December 2017-Instituting Quiet Time. I wanted my kids to be comfortable with solitude and content without stimulation. In 2017, we started practicing the valuable habit of stillness and quiet. Every afternoon around 2:30 (unless we had an outing), we would spread out for Quiet Time. One child took the chair, one sprawled on the rug, I took the sofa and another favored a spot under the table. I told them they could nap, think, pray or look at books; quiet time was tech-free, even for me. So each child had a little basket which he or she stocked with library finds and favorite picture books; I read a novel. We started with eight minutes of stillness and worked our way up to 22 minutes. Oh, and I bribed with jelly beans. Each kid got two jelly beans if they had been completely quiet and still, one if they had been mostly quiet and none if they were not quiet. It worked. Now my children take voluntary quiet times. Many afternoons, one child can be found laying on the porch with the cat, one upstairs listening to an audiobook in her room, and another looking at books or playing with trinkets on his bed. They don’t mind being alone and don’t get bored easily. They have discovered that they are healthiest when they have had time to themselves. I can’t say, however, that they have become quiet; oh boy, these kids can make noise.

January to July 2018- Growing a Sense of Responsibility and an Eye for Service. I had been trying a long time to incorporate prompt, thorough, complaint-free chores into our day. But I couldn’t seem to juggle that transition along with all the other cares of the day. So I decided to spend six months focusing on it. I had several motives: I wanted to reduce my workload and eliminate the mess and knock out the lollygagging during cleanups, but more than that I wanted my children to become responsible and servant-hearted people. So I reeled them into every task I could. At breakfast one kid popped toast while another set the table. After breakfast two unloaded the dishwasher while one wiped down the table. I taught them to match socks and sweep piles into the dustpan and clean a mirror. I instituted a 1 o’clock and 5 o’clock tidy-up. And, for bigger jobs like cleaning the sink or microwave and sweeping the porch, I paid them in coins or jelly beans. I had a new baby in the house that spring (timely) and they ran little errands for me while I held her. Nowadays, they help readily before and after meal times and tidy-ups go faster than they once did. I can not claim that those six months instilled a love of cleanliness or a desire to work in them. Nor will I say that they clean their bedrooms voluntarily. But chores go much better than they once did. To be continued, I suppose.

July to December 2018-Taking up Drawing. I wanted them to draw often and with confidence. So every weekday right after breakfast, we drew for half an hour. We copied our favorite book illustrations, we drew or traced animals from our field guides, we followed How to Draw guidebooks and we sketched pictures from our own imaginations. Sometimes I read aloud while they drew. Often I drew with them to get their creative juices flowing. Some days, one child resisted, but I would just outline a mermaid or trace a flamingo for her and she would fill in the details then keep going. Sometimes they stapled paper into books, then dictated stories for me to record and illustrated their pages. These treasured books share shelf space with our other picture books now. Now, my kids draw nearly every day unprompted. I keep paper and pencils accessible so they can bypass me to start and they draw at whim any time of day. I see how their familiarity with stories and nature as well as their comfort with solitude has aided them in their drawing habits.

January to July 2019- Sparking Imaginative Play. Pretending grand adventures is one of childhood’s jewels. At ages 7, 5, 3, and 1, my kids weren’t doing much of it. So, while I was orchestrating a cross-country move, I gave them plenty of practice. I stocked up on play clothes and helped them build blanket forts and encouraged mud pies and told them of my own childhood imaginative romps. I read stories that seemed easy to reenact and reminded them of fairy tales they already knew. Mostly though, I gave them nothing to do for long stretches of time and waited. That did the trick. Their imaginative juices started flowing and the pretend play trend kicked in. They pretend all kinds of wild stories now and I hide my grin while I pretend not to eavesdrop. For more on unstructured play, read What My Kids Do All Day.

July to December 2019- Learning to Cook. They wanted to cook. I liked the idea of them cooking. Yet I kept pushing them out of the kitchen. That seemed like a recipe for a bi-annual theme to me. We started with salads and smoothies and fresh food platters in the summer then took on baking as fall set in. We began with cookies then graduated to biscuits and quick breads then pies. I invited them to help me make dinners too; they strained beans and dumped in noodles or spiced taco meat. They measured and scrambled and mixed and flipped. I adjusted our meal plan and allotted more time for meal-prep and baked far more afternoons than ever before. Because of all that practice, cooking actually goes faster now with their help instead of slower! My oldest daughter, especially loves to help- cooking for us has become a pleasant one-on-one time opportunity.

January to July 2020- Learning to Garden. We researched native wildlife gardening and studied what our local birds and butterflies love most. Then we planned a garden, planted some trees and ordered seed packets. The kids helped shovel a truck bed’s worth of soil into flowerbeds and scattered handfuls of wildflower seeds around our yard. In truth, I did most of the watering, we have done little weeding, the vegetable plot we planned never happened and some of our sprouts were eaten by slugs. But we are surrounded by hundreds of flowers this summer and the kids will never forget the names and scents of several flower species. I call that a success. My cooking daughter didn’t care much for gardening, but my oldest son (who doesn’t care much for cooking) took to it like a friend. His idea of one-on-one time with mom is a meadow walk to identify plants together. Gardening is so beautiful, I hope it takes up a permanent place in our annual rhythm.

Every school year, when I chart out our routine and order math curriculum, I also choose a developmental theme to focus on each semester. Through this manageable method, I have watched my kids grow one skill or habit at a time despite their mom’s very limited capacity. Of course there will be gaps- we still can’t do it all. But I have seen so much growth from this gentle practice that has helped guide our affections and build our characters and form our family culture.