As women, inside us is this longing- an insatiable need for validation, adoration, affirmation, affection, and devotion. And we are like, “Where is this coming from?” And where should we channel it? After we find comfort in the realization that we are not alone in our deep quiet longings, should we suppress them? Should we alter expectations of our husbands? If unmarried, should we seek men who may satisfy these? Should we kindle deeper friendships? Or should we consider that there may be an entirely different source altogether?
I long to feel adored, beautiful and treasured. It is good and right for my husband to be sensitive to those needs- he was created with the desire to treasure someone after all. God created both men and women in his own image. As God placed in us His own desire to be loved, sought after, and cherished, He placed in men His own desire to be relied upon and affirmed by the words of the one he cherishes. The puzzle pieces fit perfectly, actually.
God intentionally placed in men and women an even greater need for Himself. No person was intended to provide these needs anymore than we were meant to be fulfilled by their attempts. Therefore we should neither burden them with impossible expectations nor set ourselves up for disappointment. Christy Nockels suggests, “By posturing our hearts to look to God to meet the God-needs and acknowledging that He alone can meet them, we’ve positioned ourselves for the next posture: fulfillment.” Our security, validation, self-worth and identity should not be rooted in men’s compliments or lack thereof (or anything else for that matter), but in the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding.
Proverbs 13:12 says, Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Many women are heartsick from deferred hopes of relationship or of fulfillment within relationships; but if we let God provide the God-needs, we will feel like a flourishing tree, lovely and fruitful Jeremiah 17:7-8.
Chris and I plan to complete a Study-Discussion-Decision Emersion over Christmas break. One week is dedicated to distinguishing God-needs and Spouse-needs in our lives and in our marriage. If you’d like the exercise, email me at [email protected].
This is exactly what I needed to read. It's so true. Women nowadays are in "need" of a guy to feel whole, and if they do not have one they aren't complete or people feel there is something wrong with them. They are also patronized by others for example, families members on Holidays. I will admit, I would like a man and do want to be adored but I feel that I need to be comfortable with myself before I lean on someone else.
Jessica,
If you receive notification of my reply, I would love to know how you are doing now 22 months later.
Love, Heather